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  And Willie sneaked Prince B. into my bedchamber! I was actually rubbing myself in front of the mirror when he stepped from behind the curtains!

  Carmencita! That is what he called me! I informed him that we had never formally been introduced. I had seen him, of course, about town and I had heard of his lust for me. Oh, he didn't hide that! A rope of pearls, diamond clips. M. le Comte de Z. came to see me. An emissary. His Royal Highness would gladly ruin himself! I should ask and it would be granted to me! "Ask the prince if he loves me enough to strike a knife to my heart!" The gentleman paled. He was certain the prince would sooner thrust a dagger in his own. "How very selfish of him!" I replied. "Ah, my Lady, you do him a grave injustice!"

  "Justice, sire? Let him do justice to all the hot little bitches that surround him! Your sister, for example!" He would have struck me, so I struck him first, and then he couldn't strike back for he was a gentleman! "Get out of here, sir, and tell the prince, your master, that if he has anything to say to me he had better come himself. I want none of his dogs around here!"

  Ha! How I laughed when he had gone, poor M. le Comte de Z.

  My belly was very white in the mirror with its chevron of black hair at the mound and two thin red lines, cane-marks which had not yet disappeared. I bent slightly at the knees and inserted my finger gently into my cunt. And it was at that moment that Prince B. stepped forth from behind the curtains.

  "Forgive me, Carmencita!" He went down on his knees before me.

  "I do not know you, sir! No one has introduced us! How dare you hide in my bedroom!"

  "Forgive me!"

  I smiled to see him kneel there.

  I wriggled my bare hips provocatively and sidled forward until my cunt was a foot from his face.

  He looked up at me with his pale face.

  "Kiss it!" I commanded.

  He did so passionately. I forced him away.

  "And now, get out!" I said.

  "No, please! Carmencita, please!"

  "How dare you, sir! Do you expect me to allow you to fuck me on the spot? Just because you've had the bad manners to break into my bedroom unannounced?"

  My vulgarity pained him. This was not what he had expected of his Venus.

  "Let me kiss your hand!" he implored.

  "Sir, you have just kissed my cunt! Let us please avoid pathos! Stand up now!"

  He stood up like a soldier springing to attention. I moved against him and put my arms 'round his neck. I looked into his eyes and brought his lips down against mine. He held me tightly in his arms, his hands impressing themselves in the soft flesh of my back.

  "Do you love my body more than God?" I whispered.

  "Yes! Oh yes, Carmencita!"

  "You will obey me?"

  "Anything, my darling!"

  "Whip me, Prince!" I looked derisively into his eyes which registered shock and incomprehension. I pointed to a thin cane which lay on my bed. "Take it up and whip me!" I commanded. He moved over to the bed like a sleepwalker. "Test it!" I said. "Test it in the air as though you meant it!"

  He did so with a mixture of fascination and horror in his eyes.

  "Good."

  I bent down in front of him, presenting the smooth cream of my buttocks. "Three strokes, Prince! Come, show me you're a man!"

  He moved then and gave me three sharp cuts on the buttocks. Only the third was half-hearted. Immediately afterwards he broke the cane and threw himself apologetically on my buttocks, kissing the marks. "Oh, forgive me, Carmencita!"

  I moved nimbly away from him.

  "What a ninny you are, Prince! And you expect me to love you! Why, you don't want to be my master, you want to be my slave! Well then, my slave you shall be!"

  I laughed at him.

  "Come, I shall dress now and you will take me to a fine restaurant. Is that what you want?"

  "Oh yes, Carmencita! Anything! Ask anything!"

  "Perhaps I will, but meanwhile I shall dress!"

  As his carriage brought me to my door, again he pleaded to be allowed to spend the night with me. "You want to make love to me?" He smothered my gloved hands with kisses. "Kill me first then, Prince, and make love to my body. My warm body will not resist you!"

  He shook his head sadly, without comprehension.

  "Then goodnight, Prince! When you come again, bring your knife with you!"

  -2-

  In the darkness of my room I lie awake. My hands cup my breasts. My naked legs stretch far apart and the soft sheet falls against my mound. How many men muttering hoarsely in the night have worshipped there with their lips, with their hands, feasting their eyes, and been powerless to bring their own loins in sacred contact. No, my beautiful male! Give me it with your lips but do not do that.

  I see my dead father and the women sprawling in the slums, white putty colored flesh quivering, animals, their big thighs stung into heat and hot fear by his rampant prick. And I lie alone and everything has receded into the familiar sound of my own breathing. I am left only with my awareness of it. And then, gradually, I come into another world, a close and confederate consciousness of my own softness and the sound of my breathing and nothing more, and there is nothing to which I am related. And now I come to know that it is my body which is soft, the thighs, my little belly, set and smooth as a watch glass on a fine watch, and that it is I and not my body which is aware. And now I am conscious of existing and being alone. And I cannot be conscious of myself as existing without at the same time being conscious of myself as existing alone and in relation to instants in time and points in space which hold themselves off from me and which escape me, for I have not the power to draw them back to myself out of my memory. And the room comes back with its dark corners, the open window, night sounds, and now I know myself to be wide awake and alone. I am in Spain, and the time is drawing near. In Spain everything is red and black and the color of a dancer's thighs as she twirls and snaps her heels as though shuffling her cunt for her male. Spanish women have splendid haunches and big rubbery teats. They grow fat quickly. They are sexually strong.

  I spread my arms and my legs out and I already feel the heavy nails which will rivet my hands and feet to receive Pain. Can no man's hand excite me now? Must it always be the thongs? I call Willie. I am unable to sleep. He is there like a shadow at my bedside, holding a candle. "Willie, I'm dying of waiting! Take me somewhere! I must have violence done!"

  And then I am heavily veiled and Willie guides me through narrow streets. Hovels. A stench of oil and wine. Tipsy voice. "In here, my Lady!"

  We step over a sleeping cur. A fat woman feeding a baby at one large blob of breast. She has three gold teeth and her pregnant belly lies like a sack of flour on her knees. She looks after us. "Up here!"

  We climb up dingy stone stairs inside a patio. He flings open a door which emits a cloud of blue smoke and coarse laughter. We are in a brothel. The women leer at me as Willie guides me to a table in the corner. The room is full of sailors and big-breasted women with unkempt hair. Some sailors are watching me. I quiver with anticipation.

  Willie whispers to the waiter, a dwarf with one leg, the other a peg leg. The waiter winks. He leers at me. He goes away.

  "Drink some wine."

  There is too much noise to speak. A sailor has twisted a woman backwards so that her big mealy breasts are naked and is dousing them with red wine. She is screaming, kicking, her fat thighs gartered with green silk. Someone knocks over a chair. A blind guitarist is playing a flamenco. They are clapping their hands. A drunken prostitute lurches over to me and tries to rip the veil from my face. Willie catches her by the hair and throws her to the ground. Two sailors are going to deal with Willie but the peg leg comes back and tells them to fuck off. For some reason or other, they obey him. He whispers to Willie and winks. Willie nods. He beckons me to stand up. We pass through a bead curtain and go up another flight of stairs. We are in an attic with a wooden floor and only a bed frame strung with wire. Peg leg brings in two stools. Two fat women come in, stri
p naked, and begin to rub their bellies together. They grunt. One of them farts. The other one laughs hoarsely with a flash of gold teeth. They grin at us and lie on the floor, each with her head between the other's legs. They snort like pigs and roll over, tonguing each other, their big white buttocks gathering dust from the floor. They smell. Peg leg stands guard at the door, his arms folded across his little barrel of a chest, and grins. One woman is now making water over the other's thigh. The splashed one is giggling deliriously. They get up on their big fleshy feet. They look at me and approach. Willie moves off to the side. I look after him fearfully. What is going to happen? And then they are on me. One rips off my veil and the other, throwing me to the floor, begins to tear the clothes off my body. I am bruised and half naked. I struggle. The bigger of the two women clamps my head between her thighs and holds me to the ground. This is the first time I have tasted another woman's sex. The bristling hairs rub my mouth until it opens. It tastes foul, of piss and sweat. I am nearly suffocated. I am pinioned to the floor. I buck with my buttocks and legs. The skin of my buttocks is grazed as I am forced suddenly and painfully to the floor as the weight of the second woman falls on my thighs. Her mouth is at my sex and her big slobbering tongue is already working my clitoris. I begin to enjoy the violence and I struggle ferociously. The more I struggle the harder they clamp me down. My belly is scratched. I scream. Laughter. Suddenly they are both up and they are kicking me with their hard feet. I rise to my knees and my head is jammed against the other woman's cunt. The same sour taste. It slips softly like a jellyfish about my face, containing my nose and mouth. The other helps to pinion me in that position while she slaps my buttocks with her hand. I am thrown to the floor again. I find myself momentarily free. I stand up and back against the far wall. They stand with their hands on their naked hips, laughing, their bellies thrust out and tufted with coarse hair. They come towards me together. I cringe. A needle of anticipation moves somewhere deep in my belly. And now they start slapping me methodically and I spin drunkenly about between them, reeling against their solid flesh, pushed and slapped until I fall painfully across the iron bedstead. I have fallen on my front, and one of my breasts has gone between the wires, which cut painfully. A knee is jammed in the small of my back and they are tying me to the bed frame, a foot or a hand at each corner. I struggle but it is of no use. My face cranes round. Peg leg is standing close, his cock out in his hand. He brings it near my face and shakes it. It is an enormous prick for a four-foot dwarf. He brings it close to my lips. I don't try to turn my head away. I allow it to lie lightly against them. My tongue moves out slowly and I lick the tip. It too tastes of urine. I move my nostrils against it and sniff softly. Who told me it was bad? The odor excites me. He is leering at me. Suddenly someone has struck me hard across the buttocks with a slat of wood. My forehead falls against the wires. I forget the prick. I reach only for the pain, and it comes again, even more brutally. I breathe heavily. My body perspires freely. I allow it to droop against the crisscross wires of the bedstead.

  Suddenly there is laughter, male laughter, drunken. I realize that half a dozen sailors have been allowed into the room. Someone is rubbing grease on my anus. I wiggled it frantically against the rubbing fingers. Someone says: "She's hot for it now. Who's first?" A male front pinions me to the bed. A tip of a cock is laid against my anus. Pressure is increased. It slides in its whole length painfully. "Bugger her!" someone shouts. "Ride her!" yells another. The big member is going in and out like a piston and the man is sweating freely. "Fuck you! Fuck you!" he is grunting. His teeth sink into the back of my neck. "Bite the hot bitch!" someone shouts. I whinny with pleasure, like a struck mare, the stallion mounted. Nothing now but the pleasant pain and the strange feeling of penetration in my vitals.

  No sooner has the first man ejaculated and rolled off than the second, hot, dry, and excited, lands on my sweating buttocks and strikes home like a well-aimed poker. The torment at my bowels in growing. The crisscross wires of the bedstead cut into my soft front as it is jerked about under the violent male movement. "Jesus!" the man is muttering as he slobbers in my ear, "Jesus! Jesus!" I begin to groan with pain. "She's coming! She's coming!" a voice is urging enthusiastically through the mists of pain and sweat. The man on top shudders violently and bucks like a bronco-rider into satisfaction.

  "Turn her over! She's got a cunt, hasn't she?" a new voice cries.

  Willie's voice rises in protest. I hear a thud. Someone has struck him. A moment later I am unbound and dragged to the floor on my back. I struggle and protest through sweat and tears but my thighs are forced apart at the knees and a hard cock thrusts its way easily into my juicy cunt. It is like dying. Into my consciousness comes the thought that I am no longer a virgin. What has happened? What have I allowed to be done! But I have no time for further thought. The man is coming. "What a cunt! What a cunt! What a fucking juicy cunt!" he is grunting as he rises like a springboard in his ecstasy and descends on me, belly to belly, to loose his flood of sperm. "Me next!" a voice cries and it has a familiar ring. A moment later I became aware of the grinning head of Peg leg, the dwarf, at the level of my breasts. His big cock has already sunk into me and soon he is nibbling cruelly at my left nipple. A black cock is thrust into my mouth suddenly, for Peg leg, being too short, has left that vacant. I close my eyes and submit willingly to every humiliation, and soon, in spite of the general pain, a deep sense of peace comes over me. Use me as you will! All of you! All of you! I can think of nothing else. My flesh is only for sacrifice. In that sacrifice is my peace...

  -3-

  How many days before Miguel found me?

  He found me in the brothel, stark naked, in a filthy condition, reeling drunkenly amongst the sailors, those wonderful ruffians! I was confined to the attic room. A few tables had been brought in so that sailors could drink there, spending money as they played with me. And how they played! It was strange that it hadn't occurred to me before, this thought that I might find my peace in a brothel. They played with me as though I was a thing. They slapped me, fucked me, buggered me, passing me among them like a ball. One of their favorite games was to make me act like a bitch in heat. I was made to go around on all fours, scratching myself and sniffing their chair legs. One of them, his glass of red wine balanced high, would whip out his prick and make me sniff that and lick it. And at the same time they made me shake my buttocks as though I were wagging my tail.

  And how I wagged my little tail!

  I wagged it so well, my little hot buttocks quivering, the tuft of my cunt wet, for they made me pee by raising my leg just like a little dog bitch, yes, I wagged it so well they used to get down on their knees and sniff along after me. Woof-woof! And when that happened, I would raise my buttocks by sinking forward on to my forearms. A big cock would be in from the back, right in my quivering cunt! Ooooh! And then they would clap their hands in time to our quivering movements. Ride-the-hot-bitch, ride-the-hot-bitch, ride-the-hot-bitch! And his last jolt would slap me forward on to the floorboards with my belly and breasts. As often as not they would pour a glass of wine over me before the next one slapped it into me.

  And one night I had a good idea. I always wanted to stir up violence in them. I was making my rounds, sniffing chair legs and ankles as usual, and they were all just beginning to get bawdy and to describe to one another just what they were going to do with me, this back and forth across the tables in the midst of drinking and laughter. Well, suddenly I cocked up my little leg and winkled on a sailor's foot. The whole room roared the laughter. The sailor upon whom I had pissed stared for a moment as though he didn't understand and then he threw back his chair with a loud crash and booted me hard on the soft underbelly so that I went sprawling on my back across the floor. "Ya filthy little bitch! Pee on me, would ya!" He leapt after me, grasping his prick from his fly as he did so, and it was hard as a bone, and he fucked me in the cunt there and then. And that night was wonderful and they did everything but kill me until the early hours of the morning. />
  One day Willie came. He looked worried and said that Miguel was looking for me and had threatened to kill him if he didn't find me. There had been a quarrel. Miguel suspected Prince B. of having spirited me off. Prince B. accused Miguel of having corrupted me. And it had ended in a duel. No one was killed, but Prince B. received a bullet wound in the shoulder and was still confined to bed. And it wasn't only Miguel who had contacted Willie. Prince B. had asked Willie to visit him and offered him the equivalent of a thousand pounds if he would conduct him to me. Willie didn't know what to do.

  I told him to take the money and to conduct Prince B. to my kennel one night, any night when the sailors were there.

  I was in the middle of my turn when he arrived, as pale as death, and leaning heavily on a stick. When I saw him standing in the doorway, I put out my tongue as a dog does and breathed quickly, like a happy bitch. He stared at me for more than a minute during which I turned my buttocks towards him and wagged my tail. That caused the sailors who had been silent since he entered to burst out again into drunken laughter. One of them got on to his knees and began to sniff me, and in that way he chased me amidst loud laughter in circles around the floor. My last sight of Prince B. was his almost collapsing against the door frame, and then suddenly he was gone. That made the sailors even more raucous. They fucked me and stuck me and made a fine mess of me that night. Willie joined in and began to show them how to use a cane.

  After that I got a sound whipping every night until my bottom was red and black and blue.

  Prince B. must have informed Miguel of my whereabouts. Perhaps he suspected that Miguel was the only one who could get me away. And that was true. And that was what happened.